Chapter 3- The Last Heartbeat

Chapter 3- The Last Heartbeat


I was trying to distract myself by counting the trees we passed as Edward drove Carlisle's Mercedes. Thank god he couldn't read my mind as I was having second thoughts about him changing me. I know he was having the same thoughts too. I know he loves me, i know he's torturing himself by agreeing to my wishes. I wish I could agree to his wishes, that being letting me stay human. But i just can't. I can't bear to live without him. The expression he wore on his face was a mask, I could tell. He was acting calm, but I know, inside, he's raging.

He took my hand in his, his other hand on the steering wheel. "Your hand is so warm," he said. "It won't be, soon." he continued, his voice in a tone so breakable.

"You can't change my mind. I want this, Edward. So badly. Please." I tried to convince him. But somehow, his tone wasn't the only tone that sounds breakable.

"I'm not trying to. I know you want this Bella. I know. A part of me wants it too. A part of me wants you to be like me, so we can lead a normal life. Like Alice and Jasper, like Rosalie and Emmett, like Carlisle and Esme. A happy life. Without any restrictions. Without danger and fear. I want this too. But you know why I'm not happy with this. It's not easy being us, Bella. We're monsters. We're a threat to humans. We live in eternal damnation! If I'm right, we're destined to go to hell the moment we were bit."

"Hell sounds much better than heaven with you in it." I attempted.

"It sounds better to me, too. But what about hell on Earth? You won't have the freedom to do things you can do as a human. You can't enjoy sunlight anymore. And I know you love being in the sun. You can't be friends with Jacob anymore. I know that hurts you so bad. And you can't see your family anymore. Wouldn't it hurt you? Being so far so long from Renee and Charlie?"

It was time I told him what I have been thinking last night. I breathed deeply. Trying to gain confidence.

"I had been thinking about that, Edward. Maybe I don't have to stay away from my parents forever."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Okay, maybe you're right. I'll be a raging uncontrollable newborn vampire trying to kill every human I have contact with in my early days-"

"Years." he corrected.

"Yes, years - maybe. But after a few years, 3 or 4, maybe, I can control myself. Then maybe I can meet up with them once in a while, like Christmast dinners and stuff. So what if I won't enjoy the food? I can fake it.  And I had always been pale. A little more paler wouldn't make much difference."

"What about you beauty?"

I hesitated for a while. I don't know if I'll turn as beautiful as Edward's sisters. "I'll just say I'm so happy being married that I learn to take care of myself more." I gulped. Hoping that my answer would impress him.

Edward shrugged. "Maybe we can do that. When you're in control."

"Maybe." I said.

We drove to the Cullen's house, deep in the woods, in silence. Not one word being said after the last 'maybe'. Edward was thinking hard. His forehead wrinkled in deep thought. In contraire, I was trying not to think about anything. Edward looked satisfied when I told him my plan. That relaxed me a bit. My confidence level is rising by the moment. I really want this, i told myself.

At last, we reached the big, bright house. It was so comforting to see a place I know I'm always welcomed to. Carlisle and Alice stood side by side on the front porch. Edward parked the car, then went over to my side to open the door for me. He took my hand and helped me out. As Esme once said, always the gentleman. Im lucky.

Carlisle smiled at me, an encouraging smile. Through his smile, I could tell that he was telling me don't worry. Everything will be fine. I know you're ready. Wow. I guess Edward's mind-reading ability had gotten to me. Alice greeted me by lightly pecking my cheek and hugging me super tightly. I couldn't breathe.

"Oops. Sorry, I forgot you're human." she apologized.

"I won't be for long!" I grinned back. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Edward cringed. Yes, maybe I was ready. But Edward wasn't.

We walked into the house to be greeted by Esme, who hugged me - not as tight as Alice, but still warm. Rosalie- Edward's other sister who doesn't really adore me like the others- smiled sincerely. Jasper grinned while Emmett greeted me with his booming voice.

"Good to see you again Bella! We missed you. Didn't see you much last night." Rosalie rolled her beautiful ocher eyes behind him.

Everybody in the house had bright ocher eyes. I could tell they were well fed. I wondered when did they went hunting.

It hit me. In a few hours, my eyes would be just like that, just darker.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen walked up next to me and landed his hand on my shoulder. "You're ready, Bella?"

"One hundred percent."

"Edward?"

"Of course Im not ready!" He exclaimed. But in a relaxed kind of way.

"Good, lets go." Carlisle said, ignoring Edward's cry for help. As we climbed up the stairs, Carlisle asked me, "So Bella, where do you want to do this?"

I paused for a minute. "Edward's room." I wanted it to be special. And what other special place there is other than my true love's room?

Edward tightened his grip on my hand. His thumb brushing my palm. He was trying to calm me down. But he was the one who needed the calming. I turned my head to face his. He was closing his eyes. Maybe to try to think of an excuse that would get me to change my mind. He was trying hard. He really loves me. I brushed his arm with my other hand. Trying to calm his down. I took his hand that's in mine up to my face, and kissed it. He opened his eyes. He looked worried. No. Scared. Edward Cullen was scared.

"You look afraid."

"I have a good reason for it." He lowered down and kissed forehead. His cold lips was a contra to my warm skin.

At last, we were in his room. Minutes seemed like hours. Carlisle told me to lie down on Edward's new bed. The one he never sleeps in. The one he bought so just that I'll feel comfortable sleeping in his room. I refused. I layed in his couch. I love this couch.

"Jasper!" Carlisle called. His voice was gentle, a mere human couldn't ear it if he or she was downstairs. But in about 3 seconds, Jasper appeared by the door. Alice by his side. Carlisle called him because in a few minutes - i  hope- things would get hectic. Everyone needed all the calmness Jasper can give.

"Bella. Wait. What would Charlie think if you dissappeared for a few weeks right after your wedding?" Edward wasn't very creative today.

"People do that all the time, Edward. It's called going on a honeymoon. And besides, we already dicussed this. Charlie thinks that we're going on a one month honeymoon throughout Europe, and then I'm going straight to college." Edward sighed. I could tell that he's giving up trying to persuade me.

Edward looked at Carlisle. Carlisle nodded. Jasper and Alice close the door -  the strong smell of blood appeals more to Jasper than the rest of the Cullens. Wait, the Cullens. I'm a Cullen! I just realised that!

"Do what you did  when you tried to suck James' venom from her hand. But this time, bite her. But don't feed on her. Be careful Edward." Carlisle told Edward what to do. Edward kneeled beside me. His face in utter fear. Carlisle was ready with a needled syringe in his hand.

"I'm going to give you this to ease the pain. You're ready Bella?"

"Get it over with. Please..." A sudden pain came up my left arm. Did he bite me already? Why didn't he tell me?

"Relax Bella. That's only the injection." The word 'over-reaction' popped up in my head. "You'll feel a bit drowsy in a minute." Carlisle continued. I was starting to feel drowsy. Edward's cold hand brushed mine. His other hand on my neck. Carressing it with such love.

Suddenly Edward put his head on my chest. He did this a lot of times before. He was listening to my heartbeat. Today being the last day it will beat for him. In my drowsiness, I was able to mutter the most important words ever. "I love you Edward. More than oxygen." I slurred the words. He lifted his face, and it appeared in front of mine. He kissed my lips. He looks sad. He looks as if he's going to cry. He can't cry. He's a vampire. His face started to wiggle and fade. As if its a reflection on water. The drug's getting to me.

"I love you too, Bella. Forever." I felt a sharp pain on my neck. A fire! I've felt this fire before, on my arm! It was burning! Oh why isn't anybody helping me? I'm burning! My neck is burning!

I heard voices. I heard a scream. A sharp wailing scream! It was mine.

"The fire! Please! Make it stop, please! It hurts!"

"Jasper! A little help!" I heard someone said.

I heard another scream. A man's. He sounds as if he was in pain. Not physical pain. But still, pain. The voice, it was so beautiful. Velvet, somehow.

"Pleeeaaaseee.........." after my last word, I saw nothing. Total darkness.

I think I died.